Grunter

grunt (grnt) v. grunt·ed, grunt·ing, grunts
1. To utter a deep guttural sound, as a hog does.

Every gym has at least one. The Grunter. The Grunter profile might vary slightly but he is often sighted lifting something too heavy, over exerting, red-faced, clanking weights back loudly, trying to impress the girl half his age in the tight yoga outfit, he’s either bald or with too much chest hair and sweating profusely. Comical at times. Annoying most times. His blow outs overpower most cranked iPods.

Is this technique effective? Not usually. But it is hard to change a Grunter and their grunting ways.

However is it a put-on pickup technique or a normal part of our DNA lung print? Grunts hearken back to the land of yesterfar. Our primal uncommunicative ancestors uttered grunts while passing dino bones around the rock. Grunted to prove superiority. Mark territory. Grunted while mating. Modern man eating pizza on Super Sunday uses similar noises. And posturpedic bed romps haven’t evolved leaps and sounds. Why shouldn’t we noise make while exercising? Grunts could be healthy for our soul. Expel a little extra pent up energy. Rid of our angst. Anger. Maybe by eliminating our animal snorts in our “civilized educated society”, we have not only shunned our heir-gruntage, but also suppressed an innate instinct, causing us more harm than good. Perhaps if we all let out our inner hog, the world would become a peace-loving place.

The grunt is nonexclusive to the male species. Tennis chicks’ high C glass shattering squeals have been heavily scrutinized by the media. Admittedly, I find the gentle pock of a long tennis rally to make calming background noise while I toil at my computer. Like a metronome. Meditative. Similar pace to a resting heartbeat. But of late the ladies have interrupted my zen. My condo walls are wafer thin. When I’m glued to the US Open for 8 hours a day, I wonder what my neighbors must think I am actual doing? At least I sound active.

Is it a natural expulsion of air, a guttural opponent psyche out, or quasi pornographic embarrassment?
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Should this Sharapova call to the wild be banned? Should the meathead at the gym zip it? Or should everyone join in the grunt parade?